i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
