A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Randomize
