Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
