Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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