walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
