just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
