Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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