she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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