Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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