does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
