I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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