I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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