My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
