Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You don't make any sense
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