The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
