My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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