Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
