Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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