the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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