Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
