Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
