I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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