I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
