As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
