As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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