So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
