well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
