Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
