What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
