sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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