The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
