I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
