You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
you're hired as official boob wrangler
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize