Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
he laminated a picture of his dick.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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