i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
