Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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