Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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