Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
