i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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