He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
