But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
