I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
