i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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