Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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