So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
