His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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