its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
