i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
