Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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