the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
