great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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