Just took my morning after pill in the library
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
