The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
