butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
