This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I could make wine with my vomit
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
