so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
