oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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