It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I think I am morally bankrupt
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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