were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
