Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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