this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Lo siento on account of my penis...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
