I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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