Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My ass is underappreciated
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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