My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
