she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
