How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
