totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
