i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
