im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
