We won't sleep together?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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