NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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