I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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