I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
