Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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